Selfish
by Celeste Jacobs
Summary: So, this is how it ends for Draco Malfoy. No mystery murder or tragic life cut short accident but a calm descent into the unknown.
1. Chapter 1

**Selfish**

**Chapter**: 1

**Rated:** M

**By: **Celeste Jacobs

**Beta: **Maria

**Disclaimer:** HP does not belong to me but the story idea does.

**A/N:** I am warning you now that this is going to be a very different story. Everything is A/U and the title plays an important role in this story. All the chapters will be long so there will probably be about 1 1/2 to 2 weeks of waiting for a new chapter. That and I'm still working on my other two stories. Selfish will consist of 7 chapters and pay close attention to the first letter of each chapter. If you want to review this story be honest and tell me what you think.

* * *

So, this is how it ends for Draco Malfoy. No mystery murder or tragic-life-cut-short accident but a calm descent into the unknown. The one people described as callous and cruel was currently allowing his body to fall to the bottom of the Hogwarts lake. His eyes were closed and his face bore a smile only seen by his mother. With his blonde hair flowing like a crown of gold and arms outstretched, Draco sank further and further into the dark abyss. Normally, a person would be gaping for air but not him. He had learned a long time ago when a person is willing to die, death just becomes another stage to pass. Death can't hurt you if you expect it, it can only hurt you if you fear it. Draco was looking death in the eyes and not backing down. 

He allowed his mind to send him through flashbacks of good times and bad. His first scraped knee from a broom accident, his third birthday, his first beating from his father, his mother's crumpled form lying dead at the bottom of manor stairs, and his father's death. He would never forget his father's death. How could he when he had enjoyed it so much?

**:Flashback:**

"It's so good to you see you again my son," said Lucius.

A year had passed since Harry Potter defeated the Dark Lord and Draco had just turned 17. Lucius Malfoy had been cleared of all charges brought against him due to lack of evidence but that had not stopped the Ministry from seizing all of their assets and dragging the Malfoy name further through the mud. They were poor now, nothing more than a name with only a once-beautiful manor, now falling to pieces. Lucius and Draco were currently in the library, with Lucius sitting in one of the chairs in front of the fire while the other leaned against the door frame.

"I have brought you a bit of comfort. I still don't see how you manage to live in this place when it's all falling down around you," said Draco as he lifted up a bottle of brandy.

Lucius chuckled lightly.

"Ah yes, brandy, that and this manor are all I have now,"

Draco watched as his father struggled to get up. The once proud Malfoy was now reduced to a shaking mass with long unkempt hair.

"Allow me to get the glasses father," said Draco before pushing himself off the door frame.

He walked into the library and headed towards the makeshift bar in the corner of the room. There was a moment of silence between the two before Lucius broke it.

"You know we are a dying breed Draco. The purebloods are starting to intermingle with the mudbloods and soon all magic will be gone. Just like this manor, our world is crumbling,"

"Or maybe the purebloods are just hoping that their children will become the next Harry Potter," replied Draco coolly.

He watched as father's back stiffened.

"How dare you say something like that! Our Lord fought to protect our kind from disappearing!" shouted Lucius.

His outburst caused him to begin to cough. He took his handkerchief out of his pocket and brought it to his mouth while Draco handed him a glass of brandy.

"Your Lord fought only for his own gain and no one else's. I was never on your side or have you forgotten that father,"

Draco watched his father take a sip before setting the glass on a stack a books that acted as a side table.

"No, I have not forgotten. I have also not forgotten the look on your face when you thought Potter was going to die. Your mother had the same look when I killed her lover," replied Lucius.

"I don't know what you speak of," said Draco.

"Oh, you know fully well what I'm talking about. You're in love with the Potter brat and it sickens me" hissed Lucius.

"And you sicken me father," replied Draco coolly.

Just as Lucius was about to reply he felt a sharp pain in his chest. He cried out as his body begin to spasm causing him to fall out of his chair. Draco walked over to his father's writhing body and looked down on him.

"May the Devil have mercy on your soul father" he said before turning to walk out, making sure to take the last of the brandy with him.

**: End Flashback:**

Draco felt his world go black as the memory faded into oblivion. His body found a new home on the bottom of lake bed and with a smile still on his face Draco's life began to slip away.

* * *

Harry knew he was being selfish when he jumped into the lake after Draco. He knew the blonde was there to kill himself and for once Harry should have let the boy have his peace. But he could not seeing how a piece of himself would wither away if he could never see Draco again. As he swam swiftly to the bottom of the lake he realized that he would never admit out loud that he was in love with the Slytherin. If he did, it would reveal that he could be tempted by the dark side. Draco stood for everything that he destroyed in the war two years ago. He could not allow himself to show the feelings that threatened to eat him alive. 

Harry paused in mid-swim. He realized that the light of the sun would only lead him so far and now all he had was intuition for a guide. The lake didn't appear to be deep from above the surface but this was a Hogwart's lake and this lake was as deep as the ocean. Harry would have to trust his heart on where to go and he once again begin to swim towards the bottom.

He felt his lungs burning for air but ignored them. Harry was feeling his way through the darkness when his hands made contact with a solid object.

"Draco!" he thought as he took hold of the other boy.

Harry could feel the he was running out of time to get them both to the surface. He would need some kind of lucky charm to get them both out of this mess. He would die with Draco if he could but Harry knew that they would not end up in the same place. Draco would rot in the fiery pits of Hell and Harry would spend the rest of eternity begging God to send him down with his beloved. Desperate to avoid that unhappy future, he kicked faster and just when his lungs threatened to burst, they broke through to the surface.

Harry sputtered and coughed while swimming with Draco to the edge of the lake. He hoisted them both up and collapsed on the bank gasping for air. Harry looked at Draco's wet form before struggling to get up on his knees. He needed to get air into the blonde's lungs before he lost him to death. Harry began performing CPR and prayed with every push that his breath would bring about miracle.

"Come on Draco! Don't slip away from me now!" cried Harry before once again breathing into the boy's mouth.

Just when the panic in Harry's heart began to turn into dread, Draco finally started coughing up lake water.

"Everything is going to be okay Draco," said Harry as he helped Draco sit up.

"You..should..have..let..me..die," gasped Draco between breaths.

Harry was about to reply when Draco fell into him unconscious.

* * *

Blaise sat on his bed staring at the bed Draco once occupied for many school years. He had just received the news that his long time childhood friend had passed away. On the outside Blaise's face looked remarkably calm but on the inside he was a tragic mess. He felt sad, angry, and betrayed all at the same time. He could not help but feel a bit lost about the situation and wondered why he never saw the signs. His anger mostly stemmed from the fact that Draco should have confided in him instead of flinging himself into a lake. Blaise got up from his bed and walked towards Draco's. He climbed into it and inhaled the lingering remains of Draco's scent. Blaise always loved the way Draco smelled -- like the air just after a violent thunderstorm with shattering lightning and what seemed like never-ending rain. You couldn't bottle that scent and sell it. The boy was born with it. Blaise clung tightly to a pillow and let the tears flow. He was quiet at first but then the body shaking sobs took over. 

"Why!" he cried. "Why did you leave me!"

He would never see Draco again. He wouldn't even be able to tell him the wonderful news.

"Hey love," said a voice.

Blaise looked up to find his boyfriend of three years staring back at him.

"I didn't hear you come in," whispered Blaise before burying his head further into the pillow.

"How are you feeling?"

"I feel like shit Ron. Pure shit.. I just want my friend back," said Blaise.

Ron smiled slightly and climbed into the bed.

"I want him back too. He stood by our relationship when no one else would,"

Blaise nodded his head and allowed Ron to pull him close.

"I was going to tell him today that we were engaged and he was to be my best man. How could he be so selfish? How could he just think about himself and not care about how his friends would be affected?" sobbed Blaise.

Ron pondered the question for a moment.

"I know that was probably a rhetorical question but I'm going to answer it anyway. Yes, Draco was being selfish and I'm sure at the time he was thinking about his own troubles. I too believe that he should have talked to one of us but I can't be selfish myself by wishing I could change time and let him live a miserable life,"

"But I should have seen the signs!" said Blaise angrily.

"Draco was a great actor. He was schooled on perfecting an emotionless mask for his entire life. None of us were able to see through it," replied Ron.

"But I'm his best friend! I should have been able to see through that mask,"

"No you shouldn't. Draco would have never allowed you a world class view of his emotions. It would have hurt your soul too much,"

"Don't you care that Draco died Ron?" flared Blaise. "Why aren't you angry or screaming at the top of your lungs?"

"Because that would make me selfish,"

Blaise sat up from the bed and cradled his head in his hands.

"Am I being selfish?" he whispered.

Ron didn't answer his boyfriend's question right away. Selfishness in itself is a touchy subject that borders so many emotions. It can swallow you whole without you even realizing it and cause others to despise and hate you. In a negative way it can shatter trust, drive you insane, and leave you alone for the rest of your life. But, when it is positive it can work miracles. Being selfish is neither black or white but a stormy rain cloud gray. It is only society that makes it one way or the other. Ron decided that today he would turn his back on society and allow his own mind to answer.

"Yes" he said, "And you have a reason to be,"

* * *

Hermione sat in the library studying for the fall's transfiguration class. The glow of the candlelight on her face revealed a smirk due in a large to today's turn of events. Draco Malfoy had been pronounced dead at 8 o'clock and Hermione was reveling in the fact that she would never see his smug face again. 

"And here I was thinking that this would be another boring summer at Hogwarts," she thought.

This was her third summer at Hogwart's and this one was turning out to be better than the ones of the past. Last summer the friendship between her, Harry, and Ron had fallen apart. Harry had distanced himself from her and Ron for what she mockingly called a pity fest. She was tired of Harry's secrets and decided that he just did it to grab more attention. What did it matter anyway? While Harry was occupied with himself she used the opportunity to get closer to Ron. Hermione would make sure that she was with Ron at all times and even suggested that they go out a couple of times. However, despite her best efforts, Ron would just smile and shake his head. At first, Hermione thought he was being shy but she found out that wasn't the case at all. She had just left Ron's room after a boring game of chess one night when the truth came to light. She had not even made to the girl's staircase when she heard the Common Room portrait swing open. Hermione watched as Ron walked out and decided to follow him.

Hermione could feel herself getting angry all over again. How could she have been so stupid and blind?

She had followed Ron all the way to the Slytherin dorms and watched as the door opened.

"Do I even get a chance to whisper the password at all?" asked Ron.

Draco chuckled slightly before patting Ron on the shoulder.

"Hey, I can't help it if your boyfriend knows you like the back of his hand,"

"Hmmm..speaking of Blaise how come he isn't greeting me?"

"Am I not good enough for you Ronnikins? You wound me deeply,"

Draco placed his hand on his heart and made a sad face.

"Ha Ha. Very funny,"

"Don't be so sarcastic Ron. It' doesn't suit you. Your dear old boyfriend is currently taking a shower. I'll let you join him if you both promise to keep it down,"

Ron smiled.

"Cross my heart and hope to die if I don't stick a needle in my eye,"

"Why would I want to stick a needle in your eye?" asked a confused Draco

Ron laughed and made his way into the room.

"No, seriously, why would you want me to stick a needle in your eye?"

All Hermione could remember was seeing red and desperately wishing she could snap Blaise's neck in two. He had stolen her Ron away but now he would pay the price. Draco's death, while not part of her plan, was a very pleasant beginning. Soon Hermione would be ready to take Ron back and then she would watch as Blaise—bereft of the people he loved most—self destructed.

"I will destroy you Zabini and revel in your demise," she whispered gleefully before turning back to her studies

* * *

Harry stared at the white sheet that covered Draco's body. The Slytherin had been pronounced dead an hour ago and Harry found himself unable to move from the chair beside the bed. Madame Pomfrey had left a while ago but Harry never noticed her exit. 

He stood up and pulled the sheet away from Draco's face. He brushed his hand lightly across the still warm cheek. Madame Pomphrey had cast a couple of charms to keep the body from decomposing. Harry felt a burning sensation in his eyes and tried to blink away the tears. He remembered Draco's last words and felt his throat tighten.

"I couldn't let you die because I'm selfish Draco. I'm selfishly in love with you and now you'll never know," he whispered.

"Are you sure about that Mr. Potter?" asked a feminine voice.

Harry snapped his head up to find gray eyes filled with curiosity staring back at him.

"What are you talking about?"

Narcissa ignored him and walked over to her son's dead body. She smiled before pushing the golden bangs back and kissed his forehead softly.

"Do you know why he killed his father?" she asked quietly.

Harry shook his head.

"He killed him for me and for you,"

Her words cut through him and pierced his heart.

"I don't understand Mrs. Malfoy,"

"Please don't call me Mrs. Malfoy. Narcissa will just be fine,"

She sat on the edge of Draco's bed and began to hum a tune as she petted his hair. Harry was about to repeat his statement when she spoke again.

"I have a question for you Mr.Potter and I want you to answer it carefully. Your answer is the key to bringing my baby boy back to this world,"

"You mean...there is a way to bring him back?"

"Of course! This is the wizarding world you are living in and even death's power isn't permanent," she replied.

"What's your question?" asked Harry.

Narcissa smiled a moment before turning away from Draco and looking into Harry's eyes.

"How selfish are you?"

"What?"

"When it comes to my son, how selfish are you?"

Harry played with the bottom of his white polo shirt. It was one of the many articles of clothing that had been borrowed from Ron who had borrowed them from Blaise. His friend hadn't stopped by yet but when one of the house elves appeared with the shirt along with and a pair of jeans and green boxers he was grateful. The note that accompanied it scribbled with Ron's chicken scratch handwriting had almost made him smile.

"Selfish enough to never let him go. Selfish enough to kill anyone who dares to harm him and selfish enough to make him share the rest of his life with me," Harry said fervently looking up to unflinchingly meet Narcissa's gaze.

Narcissa nodded her head and stood up from the bed.

"Then my work here is done. Bring my son back to me Harry and never let him go,"

"Wait! You haven't explained to me how to bring him back to life," Harry protested

Narcissa chuckled.

"Did you know that Draco loved writing poetry? After the war he stopped writing until one day he picked up his notebook and wrote once more. Find that last poem Harry and you will find your answer," she replied cryptically.

Narcissa looked at her son's body one last time before leaving Harry to his thoughts.

* * *

Narcissa had just turned the corner when a hand on her shoulder caused her to stop in mid-stride. 

"He accepted," she stated.

Severus rubbed the bottom of his chin and let out sigh.

"How are you feeling Narcissa?"

"Interesting that you should ask Sev. I have been crying for my son since the day he was born and now I can't even produce one tear," she mused.

Severus nodded in understanding before leading her to his office.

"I feel so empty Sev," she continued sadly. "I don't know what I will do if Harry can't bring my Draco back,"

"Even though I hate to admit it, we must have faith in Mr. Potter. He is a determined young man and when he sets his sights on something he goes after it with a vengeance,"

"I am worried about Dumbledore," Narcissa confided. "I know that he will try to destroy my son's body with no one looking,"

"Why do you say that?" asked Severus.

Narcissa sighed.

"Draco was always obvious when it came to his love for Harry and I'm sure Harry was the same way. My son represents everything Harry is not and if they are allowed to be together then Dumbledore will lose his pawn,"

"But there is no need for Potter to be a pawn now. Voldemort is gone," reasoned Severus.

"Yes, he's gone but there are still evils out in the world and Dumbledore will continue to use Harry to promote his own gain,"

"Are you sure that Harry can bring Draco back?"

"Yes Severus I am sure,"

Severus pushed a stray hair out of his face and rose from his chair.

"Would you like something to drink?" he asked.

"Firewhiskey if you have it and a lit fireplace would be nice too,"

"I'm not a house elf Narcissa," growled Severus in mock anger.

"Well Severus, since you're already up getting me a drink it shouldn't be too much of a hassle to light the fireplace," Narcissa batted her eyelashes winningly.

Severus rolled his eyes and was about to reach for his wand when Narcissa stopped him with her voice.

"The traditional way is better," she said. "The magical. way leaves out that feeling of comfort"

"You're pushing it" warned Severus but he moved towards the fireplace anyway.

Narcissa just watched him and smiled.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Selfish**

**Chapter:** 2

**By:** Celeste Jacobs

**Beta: **Maria

**Rated:** M/R

**Disclaimer:** HP does not belong to me but the imagination and creativity for Selfish does.

**Author Notes:** Writer's block mixed in with a bit of imperfections. Also, school has started and I have a million papers due. Don't worry, I haven't given up or become tired of my other stories. Oh, I also have started to bold the first letter of each chapter so you can figure out what it spells. Maybe you already know.

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"**E**ven you can't be this stupid," stated Blaise as he ran his fingers though his rumpled hair.

He'd found Harry Potter standing in the middle of his common room surrounded by Slytherins of all ages. Many of them glared at the Gryffindor while others wondered who would be dumb enough to let him in.

"What are you doing here Potter?" he asked.

Harry looked around at the Slytherins before answering Blaise's question.

"I need to talk to you about Draco,"

Many gasps were heard and Blaise only raised his eyebrow in response.

"Draco?" he frowned. "No, I don't think so and frankly, it would be best if you left now Potter."

"Well, I don't think it's in my best interest to leave Zabini and I won't until you hear what I have to say," replied Harry.

Blaise was about to reply when another voice cut in.

"Just let him in Blaise. I'm sure Harry wouldn't face a room full of Slytherins if it wasn't important,"

Blaise turned around to find Ron standing behind him. He gave his boyfriend a small smile before turning back to Harry with a scowl on his face.

"Five minutes Potter,"

The crowd of Slytherins parted, allowing Harry to go through. He was a bit surprised to find Ron here in the dungeons and even more surprised that he was here with Blaise. How had he not known? Was he so wrapped up in his own life that he missed out on the happiness of his friend?

"I don't have all day Potter," shouted Blaise from his room.

Harry snapped out of his thoughts and walked into the room, passing by Ron. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to find a smile on Ron's face.

"I forgave you a long time ago Harry," said Ron, somehow sensing Harry's thoughts.

Harry smiled back and nodded.

Ron put his left arm around the other boy's shoulder and lead him into the room.

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It was easy for Harry to tell that Blaise had not been sleeping well. The boy's eyes looked red from crying and there were dark circles beneath them. Harry realized that without his glamour he probably looked the same if not worse. He wondered why Blaise didn't have on a glamour. Didn't Slytherins prided themselves on keeping their emotions shut away from the world?

"Did you come here to study me Potter or to talk about Draco?"

Harry watched as Ron sat on the edge of the bed next to his boyfriend and he almost smiled when Blaise placed his arm protectively around Ron's waist.

"I came here to ask for your help. I thought that I could do it on my own but it's been three days and I have no idea how to start," said Harry.

"Start what?" asked Blaise.

"How to bring Draco back to life,"

There was absolute silence for a moment before Blaise stood up, fists clenched in barely suppressed fury and disbelief.

"How dare you come into my domain with such nonsense! Can't you see that everyone here is suffering and you just come up here and drive a knife further into the wound," he snarled.

"I'm not lying Zabini," insisted Harry.

"You're not lying Potter," laughed Blaise. "Why should I believe that a Gryffindor like you would even remotely care about Draco,"

"Because I'm selfish,"

It was a simple statement meant to explain everything but instead of understanding, both Blaise and Ron looked utterly confused.

"Come again," said Blaise.

"You heard me, because I'm selfish. I'm selfish enough to bring him back to a world he doesn't love because I want to spend the rest of my life showing him how much I need him in my life. You'll never understand it but I love Draco more than I do myself,"

Blaise felt tears sting his eyes at the thought of Draco and made no move to wipe them away when they began to fall.

"So, it was you all those times, wasn't it?" asked Blaise.

Ron looked over at his boyfriend and then back to Harry. He didn't understand what Blaise was talking about but he figured that staying quiet and listening would be the best way to get all his questions answered.

Harry bit his bottom lip before replying with a whispered yes.

It was so hard for Blaise not to take every ounce of his energy and use it to beat the Gryffindor into the ground.

"Why didn't you tell him?" asked Blaise harshly.

"Why didn't you?" was the reply.

"I..I.."

In all honesty Blaise didn't know why he hadn't told Draco what was going on. At first, he'd thought that Potter was up to no good but when he saw how the two boys interacted, he couldn't break up the glimmer of hope that existed.

"I thought you would make him happy even though he didn't know it was you," said Blaise.

Harry looked up at the ceiling and sighed.

"I thought I could too," whispered Harry.

Ron's patience was quickly running out.

"What are you two talking about?" he asked.

Blaise had almost forgotten that Ron was in the room, but his boyfriend's agitated query abruptly reminded both boys that Ron didn't know what was going on.

Quickly pondering and discarding several possible answers, Blaise decided to put Ron off for the moment, figuring that he could fill him in later.

"It's nothing," he replied before turning his attention back to Harry.

"Now tell me Potter, what makes you think that you can raise Draco from the dead?" he asked.

"His mother," said Harry.

"Narcissa talked to you? She couldn't have,"

"Gryffindors don't lie. We leave that type of business to you Slytherins,"

"If you're here to take personal digs Potter then you can just walk right out that door without my help."

Ron, not liking being left out of the conversation, especially when it involved Draco, decided to remind his friend and boyfriend of his continued presence.

"I know you two want to act like I'm not here but Draco was my friend too and I want to help. I don't think it's the best thing to do considering Draco left us for a reason but, I do know if that Mum Cissa personally came to Harry then we need to band together and get started on reviving our Slytherin Prince," he pointed out.

Blaise looked at Ron for a moment before sighing and nodding his head in agreement.

"Alright Potter, what do you know and what do you need us to do?"

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Ron balanced his quill on his nose and frowned when it tipped slightly before falling onto the floor. He was currently in the library waiting for Harry and Blaise to show up. He hoped that they could find Draco's journal and maybe find the way to save him within it. Ron reached down to pick up his quill when he saw a foot step on it.

"Hello Ron," said a feminine voice.

Ron couldn't help but groan at his misfortune. He lifted his head up to meet the speaker's brown eyes.

"How can I help you Hermione?" he whispered, not wanting Madam Pince to throw him out of the library for talking.

Hermione smiled.

"You know Ron, there was a time when you called Mione."

"Yeah, but that was before you turned your back on me and Harry."

Hermione's bright smile abruptly became a frown.

"I never turned my back on you Ron, " she hissed.

"What about Harry?"

"What about him? He was living in his own world and he made sure to leave you and me out of it!"

"Maybe he was right to Hermione. I mean, with you breathing down his neck every five minutes about Sirius and Voldemort it's no wonder that after a while he couldn't take it any more. I would have closed myself off from the world too."

"I can't believe you're defending him" shouted Hermione. "He is nothing but a self-absorbed asshole who thinks of himself as high and mighty because he saved the wizarding world."

Ron was about to make a retort when a sharp voice cut through the air.

"Who is shouting back here? I have made it quite clear that library policy is to remain quiet at all times," stated Madam Pince as she rounded the corner and glared balefully at Ron and Hermione.

"I'm sorry Madam Pince. I was just so excited about the text that I'm reading that I wanted to share my excitement with Ron," said Hermione sweetly.

Madam Pince's frown deepened.

"I would have believed that story Miss Granger if you had a book in your hand."

Ron covered up his laughter with a cough as Hermione's face turned bright red.

"I suggest you leave now Miss Granger and as for you Mr. Weasley, if I hear another sound you will follow Miss Granger out the door. Is that clear?"

"Yes Madam Pince," said Ron.

He watched as Hermione was led out by the angry librarian and chuckled to himself.

"Maybe things won't be that bad after all?" he thought.

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Harry and Blaise had been looking through Draco's things for the past hour but they had yet to come across the missing journal.

"Maybe we're looking in the wrong place," mused Harry.

"You think?" snarled Blaise. He looked around the trashed room and sighed before beginning to place various items back in Draco's trunk. He should have known that Draco wouldn't keep his journal in an obvious place.

"If I were Draco," he thought. "Where would I keep it?"

"What if we ask Narcissa?" pondered Harry aloud.

"Yeah Potter because teens go running off to tell their parents where their journals are hidden. I know we definitely don't do that here. Is that a Muggle thing?"

Harry glared at him but chose not to comment. Instead, he brought up an issue that had been bugging him for some time now.

"Will you stop calling me Potter!" he complained. "We are working toward the same goal and it would be nice to not feel like I'm fighting another war at the same time."

Blaise looked at him for a moment.

"You're not my friend Potter and you never will be. I tolerate you because Ron is my boyfriend and will probably be my husband sometime in the near future. And let me tell you, tolerating you is a very hard thing to do when I keep having the urge to punch you in the face," he stated calmly.

Harry sucked his teeth and rolled his eyes.

"Well, I'm going to call you Blaise anyway besides it's not like calling me Harry is going to kill you,"

"Are you sure about that?" Blaise retorted.

Harry sighed heavily and began to open the dresser drawers.


	3. Chapter 3

**Selfish**

**By:** Celeste Jacobs

**Chapter:** 3

**Beta:** The wonderful Maria

**Disclaimer: **HP does not belong to me.

* * *

"**L**et me see it," said Ron as he snatched a black book out of Blaise's hand.

It was eleven o'clock at night and the boys were sitting on the floor of Blaise's and Draco's room.

"It's rude to snatch things out of people's hands" replied Blaise.

"I'm not snatching things out of people's hands. I'm snatching things out of my boyfriend's hands. There is a big difference Blaise Zabini," said Ron with a huff.

Blaise rolled his eyes and picked up another book. It was the fourth day of Operation Bring Draco Back to Life and Blaise felt like they were failing miserably. The books they were looking through were useless and the Restricted section was under renovation.

"Who renovates a fucking library?" muttered Blaise.

Harry and Ron ignored the Slytherin and kept on looking through the books.

"I mean, we haven't even found Draco's diary. All of this is a wild goose chase. We should just let our friend rest in peace and be done with it" said Blaise.

"You're full of shit Blaise!" shouted Harry.

The Gryffindor was standing on his feet now, eyes full of fury.

"No, you're the one who's full of shit Potter! You have us getting our hopes up when in the end you'll fail us just like you failed Draco," snarled Blaise.

The next thing Ron saw was Harry tackling Blaise to the ground.

"You son of a bitch!" yelled Harry before punching Blaise in the face.

"Stop it Harry! Just stop it!" yelled Ron.

But Harry wasn't listening. He had been an emotional wreck all day and it felt good to take it out Blaise.

Harry suddenly found himself being kicked in the stomach and falling back on the ground. Blaise jumped on Harry and started punching him while Harry tried to cover his face. Harry managed to grab Blaise's right wrist before bucking him off. Ron tried to pull Harry away from his boyfriend, but Harry just pushed him roughly away.

Both boys were too busy scuffling to notice that Harry had literally pushed Ron through a wall.

"I'm tired of you Blaise! I'm starting think that you don't want to bring Draco back. I wouldn't be surprised if it was you that had pushed him to the brink of suicide," growled Harry.

Harry's comment made Blaise's anger surge even higher and he surprised the Gryffindor by kicking him to the ground and then placing his foot on Harry's neck.

"Listen here Potter. I could end your pathetic life right here but you are the only one that holds the answers to getting Draco back. Now, I'm hurting just as much as you are if not more and you need to realize that me being realistic doesn't mean I don't care for Draco. If anything, it means that I love him with my whole life. But you wouldn't know anything about love would you? You think that because you polyjuiced yourself as different men to get Draco to fuck you makes you an expert on love. If anything it makes you a fool. A lovesick, perverted fool,"

Blaise took his foot off of a Harry and delivered a swift kick to the ribs. Harry doubled over in pain and let out a groan.

"And don't ever touch me again Potter," Blaise spat.

Turning away from the downed boy, Blaise looked around and finally noticed that his boyfriend was missing.

* * *

"Let me out!" shouted Ron as he banged on the wall he had just gone through.

He had been yelling for Blaise and Harry for at least ten minutes and his voice was becoming hoarse.

"I hope there's no spiders in here," whimpered Ron as he took a look around.

The dark chamber was damp and depressing and the thought of spiders made him cast a quick Lumos. The first thing he noticed was a blanket on the ground and a small book lying next to it.

"Are you shitting me?" was Ron's first thought.

If this was Draco's diary, he was going to piss his pants. Ron picked up the book and read the cover that said Draconis Malfoy in green lettering.

"Consider the pants pissed in" Ron muttered to himself.

He tried to open the book but found that he couldn't. It was as if the book was stuck together. Ron leaned on the wall and sighed.

"Stupid journal, stupid Blaise, and stupid Harry," said Ron aloud.

It was at that moment that Ron fell back and landed on the Slytherin common room floor. The journal hit the ground and snapped open.

"Ron!" shouted Harry and Blaise at the same time.

"I found the journal," said Ron.

Blaise helped his boyfriend off the ground and dusted him off.

"Where did you go?" he asked.

"Harry pushed me through a wall," replied Ron.

Harry colored slightly and put his hand behind his head.

"Sorry about that,"

"Yeah, well, don't worry about it. Watching the blood trickle out of your nose is better than an apology," said Ron.

Harry's hands flew straight to his face, touching his nose gingerly. "Thanks a lot Blaise," he sighed, with a disgusted look at the other boy.

"You're welcome," came the snide reply.

Ron began flipping through the pages and his eyes widened at what he saw.

"What is it?" asked Blaise.

Ron showed the pages to Blaise and Harry. There was not only poetry in Draco's journal but also songs and sketches. Many of the sketches were of owls in flights but there were a few of people that they recognized.

"That's us," Blaise gasped, referring to the picture of him and Ron sleeping beneath the Womping Willow. He remembered it as being one of the most perfect days in his life but it was also the day before Draco died.

"I didn't know he could draw," said Harry. "I mean I knew Draco was talented but I never knew how talented he was,"

"Well Potter, most people's talents aren't generally revealed between the sheets," Blaise mocked.

Harry grabbed Blaise by the shirt and the two boys stared at each other menacingly for a moment.

"What are you two talking about?" asked Ron.

"Harry was having sex with Draco," sneered Blaise.

Suddenly his shirt became loose as Harry abruptly let go.

"You did what? I don't understand," Ron was truly confused. He never even knew Harry had feelings for Draco until the day before. "Why didn't I know?"

"Potter was using a Polyjuice potion.

Ron stared wordlessly at Harry for a moment before shouting, "Are you insane? You tricked Draco into sleeping with you!"

"It was the only way Ron. I couldn't stand the thought of another man touching him. Another man being with him," Harry said, pleading with his best friend to understand.

"You were being selfish again Harry. Again!" Ron shot back, his anger un-mollified.

Harry remained silent, head hanging in shame. Blaise looked back and forth between the two friends before shaking his head.

"Look, let's just get back to the task at hand. Mum Cissa told you that the poem you needed was on the last page right?

Harry nodded his head.

Blaise flipped to the last page and read the poem aloud.


	4. Chapter 4

**Selfish**

**Chapter:** 4

**Author:** Celeste Jacobs

**Beta:** The wonderful Maria!

**Disclaimer:** HP does not belong to me. The poem however does.

* * *

_On the Earth_

_Within the ground_

_Sleeping soldiers lie_

_They make no sound_

_A raven caws_

_The sound of death_

_As Satan's Demon_

_Takes her last breath_

_The snake it hisses_

_It pierces the flesh_

_The lion roars_

_Its tone of distress_

_The poison is deep_

_It shows no wounds_

"_Here Lies No One"_

_Engraved on the tomb_

_Selfishly _

_If he should go_

_The one who desires him_

_Will some how know_

_That death is never eternal_

_For life is sweet_

_Only his lover_

_Can awaken the sleep_

* * *

"Fuck! I don't understand what the heck this means!"

Blaise gave the book to Ron and fell back into one of the chairs.

"Well, I think the stanzas are paired. The first two have to do with death. The poison is obviously coming from the snake and the last two tell us who has to save him,"

Harry stared at the poem in Ron's hand.

"Me" he stated.

Ron nodded.

"Which means Harry, that Draco knew it was you all those times," Ron continued.

Harry stared at Ron in shock, his thoughts racing a mile a minute. If Draco knew that it had been Harry in disguise all those times they'd had sex, then that must have meant that Draco loved him back, right?

"That's all fine and dandy but I'm not seeing how this poem tells us how to bring my best friend back to life," Blaise said, breaking the silence in the room.

Ron rolled his eyes and began to walk towards the common room door.

"Where are you going?" asked Harry, finally regaining the power of speech.

"To the Founders' cemetery. You both can join me if you like," replied Ron before walking out of the room.

Blaise and Harry stared at each other for a moment before bolting after the red head. It wouldn't be long before Draco was back in their world. Nothing could stop them now.

* * *

"Okay, I get the whole sleeping soldiers lying in the ground but I don't see how a raven fits in to any of this," said Harry as they trudged across the school grounds.

"Have you ever heard of Edgar Allan Poe?" asked Ron.

Harry nodded.

"Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary," recited Blaise.

Ron smiled.

"Ravens are believed to be messengers of death. It is said that Salazar Slytherin was told the date of his death by a raven," said Ron.

The trio came upon a rusty gate and it gave out a loud squeal as Blaise pushed it open.

"One would think that they would take better care of this place considering the founders of Hogwart's are buried here," he stated.

"Or at least have it protected by spells," Harry added.

They walked inside and made their way through the tall grass. After a couple of minutes, they came upon four headstones.

"I just think after a while people just stopped caring. No one looks at the past anymore, everyone's only concerned about the future. Never realizing they wouldn't have a future if it wasn't for the people of the past," said Ron morosely as he walked over to Salazar's headstone.

The headstone was falling to pieces; the stone snake embedded into the center the only identifiable marker left.

"What are we looking for?" asked Harry as he picked up one of the broken pieces.

"I don't know" muttered Ron. "I really don't know,"

"Resorting to playing in graveyards now?" sneered a voice.

The three abruptly turned around from Salazar's grave to see Hermione Granger standing a few meters away.

Hermione's sneer turned into a smirk as she made her way toward the trio.

"I just so happened to be minding my own business when I saw you three go rushing past me. I asked myself, what could they be up to and so I decided to follow you,"

"You know, in some places that might be considered stalking Granger," said Blaise.

"Shutup you insignificant worm!"

"Wow Granger. You really need to work on your insults" replied Blaise as he put his arm around Ron's waist, drawing the boy closer to him.

Hermione saw red.

"You turned Ron into a faggot!" she shouted, pointing her finger at Blaise. "If it wasn't for you, he would be with me!"

"And you!" she accused moving her finger to Harry. "You were too busy in your own world to notice that your friend was taking it up the ass! You selfish son of a bitch!"

Harry just shrugged, preferring to ignore Hermione's histrionics than to engage the furious girl.

His nonchalant manner made Hermione even madder. Could Harry not see how he'd ruined everyone's lives?

"He won't make you happy like I can" she stated turning her eyes to Ron. "Love me Ron! Love me like I love you!"

Ron shook his head.

"I don't love you Hermione. I love Blaise and I will always love him,"

"You don't mean that! You can't!" shouted Hermione even though it seemed she was trying to convince herself more than Ron.

"He's means it Granger. We're engaged," Blaise said firmly, wanting to get the message through to the thick-headed girl.

Hermione's mouth fell open and she stared back and forth between the two. Suddenly, she closed her mouth, her face settling into a dark frown.

"Fine. If I can't have him, then no one will!" she gritted.

To Harry it all seemed to happen in slow motion. Hermione screaming out a spell that headed straight towards Ron. He didn't know what type it was but he could tell it was deadly. His mind finally caught up to the situation and he frantically lunged toward the girl he'd once considered his friend. Harry didn't even notice Blaise pushing Ron out of the way, his only thought to run faster. He jumped, tackling the bushy-haired girl to the ground, both of them landing with a sickening thud.

"Harry!" shouted Ron from off to the side, Blaise having managed to save both of them from getting hit by the spell.

Harry sat up and let out a groan as his vision started to blur.

"Lay back down Potter or you'll faint," said Blaise, pushing the other boy back to the ground.

"What about Hermione?" asked Harry.

Ron was gently shaking the girl, but she didn't seem to be moving. He stepped back when he saw the pool of blood forming around her head.

"Blaise?" he asked fearfully.

Blaise came over and knelt down by Hermione. He carefully lifted her head up and noticed the stone underneath.

"How unfortunate," he stated.

Harry winced as he sat up.

"For her or the rock?" he asked.

"The rock of course," scoffed Blaise.

"What do we do?" asked Ron.

Blaise shrugged.

"She tripped and fell on a rock. It happens. It is quite slick out here," he offered.

"I can't believe I killed her. I didn't mean to," Harry said, feeling sick.

"Who cares! Her parents will probably pop champagne and call you their hero once they find out. I know I would," said Blaise before grabbing Ron's hand.

"But we haven't figured out why Draco wanted us to come here," said Ron as he was pulled towards the cemetery gate.

Blaise turned around.

"Potter, pick some of those mushrooms that are growing on Salazar's grave. We're going to go see Snape,"

With that said, Blaise continued to drag Ron towards the castle.

Harry looked at Hermione's prone body for a moment, before sighing and getting up. He walked back to Salazar's grave and squatted down, finally noticing the mushrooms that only grew on that particular spot.

"How weird," he thought.

Harry grabbed a few and was just about to leave when he heard the sound of wings flapping. He turned and saw a raven perched on Hermione's face. It looked at him and let out a loud caw before pecking into one of the girl's eyes.

"Quoth the raven, 'Nevermore'," whispered Harry before walking through the gate.


	5. Chapter 5

**Selfish**

**Chapter:** 5

**By:** Celeste Jacobs

**Beta: **Maria

**Rated:** R

**Disclaimer:** HP does not belong to me.

* * *

It was funny really. The moment that Blaise had told Snape of Hermione's death, the corners of Snape's mouth had started going up, only to be repeatedly dragged back down. Harry wondered if the man was having a seizure or was trying hard not to laugh. Maybe it was a combination of the two.

"And how did Miss Granger die exactly Mr. Zabini?" asked Snape.

"Well Potter over here" said Blaise pointing his finger in the direction of the green-eyed boy who was currently sitting at one of the desks. "Pushed Granger and she fell and hit her head on a rock,"

Snape turned and looked at Harry. "For once you did something right Mr. Potter. I will alert the Headmaster about Miss Granger and we'll use the story that she tripped and fell,"

"See" said Blaise. "The 'tripped and fell' story always works. That's one of the first things my mother taught me,"

Ron rolled his eyes. "Anyway, Professor, there is another reason we came,"

Harry got up from the desk and placed a handful of mushrooms on Snape's desk. Ron followed with Draco's journal turned to the poem.

"We found the poem that Mum Cissa told Harry about and now we need help figuring out the second and third parts. These mushrooms have something to do with it but we just don't know what,"

Severus picked up the journal and skimmed through. When his eyes hit the last part, he raised them to look at Harry and quirked an eyebrow. "You must be really good in bed Mr. Potter because I can't fathom any reason why my godson would be in love with you,"

Blaise coughed in a failed effort to control his laughter while Harry sputtered.

"These mushrooms" stated Severus, "Belong to a German potion known as Kein Freiheit, which translates into No Freedom. It is a potion that, when drunk, causes the person to lose their free will. It is odorless, tasteless, and completely untraceable,"

"Are you implying what I think you're implying Professor?" asked Ron.

Severus frowned. "Yes, Mr. Weasley. Draco was poisoned. Lucky for us there is an antidote,"

"But Draco drowned Professor. How could an antidote help us?" asked Blaise.

"Have I taught you nothing?" the Potion's professor sneered. "Draco didn't die from the drowning. As a matter of fact, I don't think he's dead at all,"

Gasps were heard throughout the rooms at Severus's exclamation.

"You're lying! He died in my arms!" shouted Harry.

Severus ignored the Gryffindor's outburst. "It will take me twenty fours hours to make the antidote. I pray to Merlin that we are not too late,"

"You're still leaving us in the dark Sev," stated Blaise.

Severus stiffened. Blaise knew that if he used the name that Draco called him, the three of them would get some answers.

"I believe that Draco was ordered to not only pretend to drown but also pretend to be dead for a period of time,"

"How can that be?" asked Ron.

"It's amazing what the human mind can do. One can lower their own heart rate and even ebb away a headache with just a thought. The same goes for this. Draco's mind told his body that he was dead. To us, his heart has stopped beating, his body temperature is cold to the touch, and his body is stiff. It isn't real. Just an act of the mind,"

"I'll kill whoever did this to him!"' shouted Harry.

"I can think of one person. But, the problem is getting him to admit it," said Severus.

Blaise thought a moment before allowing a smirk to grace his face. "I have an idea,"

* * *

Harry tried to rein in his anger as he stood in front of Dumbledore's office. How could the man he considered a mentor be the one responsible for his lover's death? It was taking all of his strength not to go in there and curse the man to death but Dumbledore needed to be tried for his crime. Justice would be served.

"Leaping Lollipops" Harry said to the gargoyle and watched as the door swung open.

He walked inside and the first thing he noticed was Dumbledore sitting at his desk with a stack of papers in front of him.

"Ah Harry my boy. How can I help you?"

Harry quickly shuffled into the nearest seat. He had a role to play and any slip would give him away.

"I just...I just wanted to know what was going to happen to Draco's body?" he asked.

Dumbledore looked over his half-moon spectacles at the boy before him. "Yes, well, don't concern yourself about such inconveniences Harry. What happened to Mr. Malfoy is a tragedy but you mustn't let it distract you from your duty,"

"And what duty might that be Professor?" asked Harry, as he tried not to become incensed at the comment.

"To defeat Voldemort of course,"

Harry felt a huge surge of anger at the other man's cold-blooded commitment to his pet cause. 'Screw the plan!" he thought.

"Is that why you poisoned him Headmaster? To keep me focused?" Harry asked, his voice rising with every question.

"As a matter of fact, yes".

Harry's jaw dropped. He had expected the Headmaster to lie to him or give him the run around, not blatantly admit that he had indeed committed the crime.

"So, I suppose somehow you figured it out. I'm surprised, but it doesn't really matter now. Draco will be buried alive and you my boy will remember none of this" said Dumbledore as he raised his wand.

"Sometimes we must sacrifice a life; even the ones we love to save thousands," he intoned.

Then, just as Dumbledore started the memory obliterating incantation a figure burst through the door with a shout of "Petrificus Totalus!"

Dumbledore froze, stiffening like a board and staring vacantly into space.

"About damn time! He could have killed me!" Harry yelled at his rescuer.

"Oh please!" sneered Blaise. "If Voldemort couldn't kill you then I'm sure old Dumblefuck couldn't do any better,"

Ron immediately appeared behind Blaise. "Come on Harry. Severus needs your memory so that we can present it in front of the Wizengamot,"

Harry looked at Dumbledore's still body for a moment. How funny it was that the most powerful wizard in ages had been brought down by mere teenagers.

"He and Voldemort have more in common than I thought," Harry mused before following his best friend and Blaise out of the room.


End file.
